I'll admit it...my first Mother's Day was difficult to get through. I woke up to get ready for a quick brunch with the family, not quite ready to face the day. I opened a sweet card from Mauricio and the boys, then cried in the car on the way to breakfast. Once at the restaurant, I cried again when I opened a very thoughtful gift from my sister. I tried to quickly wipe away the tears and put on a brave face instead, but in all honesty it was all a little too much for me.

Instead of happily celebrating Mother's Day, all I could think about were the things I didn't have. I have two cribs and two car seats waiting at home, but no babies to put in them. I have little boy clothes and soft baby blankets, but nobody that I need to keep warm.

After breakfast, Mo and I raced to the hospital where my pity party continued. We were met with news that RJ's blood counts were down again, indicating that he possibly had a worsening brain bleed or internal bleeding as a result of his recent surgery. Hopefully though, the decreased numbers were simply a result of the continued blood draws for various labs. Additionally, the doctor let us know that RJ's white blood cell count was up, possibly indicating a new infection since the surgery. Given RJ's tiny body and non-existent immune system, any type of infection could be fatal.

Mauricio and I stayed at RJ's bedside the entire day, anxious for ultrasound and lab results that would clear up the unknowns regarding the brain bleeds and infections. I cannot begin to put into words how nerve wracking those moments are...hoping for the best, but bracing ourselves for news of the worst possible outcome.

Evening came and we still hadn't received any word from the radiologist. I (annoyingly) asked the nurse for an update, and she was kind enough to pull up RJ's chart. It was then that she read the sweetest words a mother could ask for: head ultrasound showed "no significant change" in comparison with earlier scans. Even better, the x-rays performed earlier in the day showed no sign of internal bleeding. Then, the doctor came in to let us know that follow-up lab draws showed RJ's white blood cell count in a normal range, leading him to believe that the earlier test was a false reading caused by RJ's delayed reaction to the stress of the surgery.

I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief and within a minute my pity party was over. Everything we'd learned was good news and my perspective was completely changed.

I have been given the chance to be a mother to 2 beautiful baby boys that, in just a matter of days, have changed my life forever.
I have a husband that loves me with all of his being, even on my worst days.
I am part of a strong family whose love is constant and whose support is unwavering.
And, most importantly, I was blessed with the chance to spend another day sitting beside my son - touching him, loving him, and fighting with him.

PS- A sincere thank you to all of you that took the time to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. Your sweet words made it easier to manage my way through a very difficult day. I cannot say enough how appreciative we are of your support and prayers. Keep 'em coming! It's working so far!

A very special Mother's Day gift! :)
5/13/2013 02:50:03 pm

Remember, you are allowed your pity parties, you are allowed to cry whenever our wherever, and you are most definitely allowed to be angry confused or whatever you feel at the moment. You are allowed ask if this and so much more. We love you and Mo, most importantly little Luke and RJ. If you need anything just yell and we will be there.


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    We are Kelly and Mauricio, new parents of twin boys born at only 24 weeks.



    May 2013